Cheating in a relationship, though sometimes understandable, can rarely be justified. However, the justified way to react after discovering that a person is cheating can be up for debate.
When a 26-year-old trans woman discovered that a closeted man she intimately connected with is engaged, she made a judgment call to let his fiancée know of her future husband’s escapades. Unsure of whether she did the right thing, she shared the story on the popular subreddit, r/AITAH, and sought the community’s opinion.
Encounter with the closeted but engaged man…
The OP first met with the man in question at a local bar on a Thursday night. She was in the washroom, where she saw him, apparently experiencing alcohol poisoning.
When she asked his friends to help him, they simply laughed it off. So the OP took it upon herself to get him a large cup of water, and after a couple of minutes, the man got better.
Days passed, and the OP received a message one night on the gay dating app, Grindr, from the same guy who recalled her helping him out at the bar. They had a brief conversation, exchanged explicit photographs and got each other’s Snapchat and phone numbers.
The man shared that he was staying at an Airbnb because he was visiting from Canada, and wanted the OP to come over. However, he stated that she would have to use the back door, since he was staying with his friends and he was closeted about his sexuality.
This did not sit right with the OP, and as the conversation continued, the man shared that he was actually at his own bachelor’s party and his friends getting to know about the OP would not be a good look for him.
Learning that the man was engaged and about to marry in a couple of months disturbed the OP a lot. Even though the man apologised and said that he thought she knew about the situation, the OP told him to make things right.
However, that was not all she did. She knew where the man lived and found his profile on Facebook. From there, she discovered the name of his fiancée and reached out to the woman on Instagram.
The OP came clean to the woman about her husband being closeted as well as cheating on her at his bachelor’s party. Later, she also found out that the man shared four sons with his fiancée.
“I can’t help but feel like I just ruined someone’s marriage, but at the same time, I am not the one who made those choices. If I were his fiancée, I would want to know, so I hope I’m doing the right thing,” she wrote on Reddit.
Redditors take the OP’s side
Netizens on Reddit sided with the OP in her decision to out the man, with one person telling her, “Good for you, you did the right thing.”
“As the former partner of cheaters, thank you. You saved this woman from a divorce and possible future STIs,” wrote another. “If he is willing to meet a stranger to hook up, who knows how many times he has or will do it. I’m taking the closeted issue out of the equation. Yes, I would want to know, but a cheater is a cheater, period.”
“He shouldn’t be getting married; he is putting on a fake facade. She deserves to know that her fiancé is closeted. You saved them a divorce and worse mental pain later, when she found out he was living a lie,” observed a third.
“You didn’t ruin his marriage; he did. If I were her, I’d be forever grateful you stopped me from marrying him,” echoed a fourth.
Another person praised the OP, stating, “You were honest. You let his fiancée know she’s being cheated on. He needed to be honest with her and hasn’t been. I feel profoundly sorry for the heartache she’ll likely experience, but that isn’t your fault or doing; it’s totally on him.”
“I wish more people would react this way instead of being like ‘Oh, it’s not my business.’ You saved that woman from years of being cheated on; you absolutely did the right thing!” exclaimed yet another.
Note to readers: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
