‘Manosphere’ has recently become a popular term in internet vocabulary, with a recent Netflix documentary, Louis Theroux: Inside the Manosphere, generating further interest in the subject.
The UN Women website defines manosphere as “an umbrella term for online communities that have increasingly promoted narrow and aggressive definitions of what it means to be a man, and the false narrative that feminism and gender equality have come at the cost of men’s rights.”
Communities that form the manosphere promote their own markers of “male worth.” These include emotional control, material wealth, physical appearance, and dominance, especially over women. They target male audiences across all digital spaces by appearing to focus on men’s self-improvement, but essentially promoting unhealthy behaviours.
Taking to Instagram on March 17, Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counsellor based in Portland, explained how the manosphere is the most sophisticated shame management system ever built and why we should take it seriously.
The manosphere targets vulnerable men
To understand the threat posed by the manosphere, Jeff believes it is important to understand how it operates. The men who are into the ‘manosphere’ have one thing in common: “they have experienced profound humiliation.”
That can include getting rejected, left behind, laughed at, and/or passed over, among other scenarios. When this happened, they likely had no one to teach them how to handle the bitter feelings. As the suppressed feelings festered, it turned into shame.
“And here’s what you need to know about shame,” shared Jeff. “When it goes unprocessed, it doesn’t just stay shame. It mutates into rage (and) contempt.”
How the manosphere makes dismantling shame toxic
Referring to the academic, writer and podcaster Brené Brown, Jeff stated that there are four stages to dismantling shame.
- Recognise your shame
- Reality check the narrative you’re telling yourself
- Reach out to someone safe
- Speak it out loud
The manosphere works through all four stages, but in a really toxic way.
Recognise your shame: It is called taking the red pill. Men are told that they have been lied to their entire lives. Their pain is real, and it is always caused by women.
Reality check your narrative: The manosphere promotes the narrative that women only want rich men of high status. The system is rigged against the everyday man, and the reason that they are struggling is extrinsic.
Reach out to someone safe: Reaching out has never been easier, with Discord groups, podcast communities, and Reddit threads filled with like-minded men validating the toxic narrative.
Speak your shame out loud: Finally, the men who are influenced make similar content for social media, which gets boosted and finds a larger audience, effectively bringing more people into the fold.
The risk of becoming part of the manosphere
According to Jeff, the reason the manosphere is widely accepted is that it offers disillusioned men something therapy cannot on the first day: instant community and a sense of belonging.
Hate is a strong unifier, but a community built on hatred is conditional to staying angry at all times. One needs to stay in the ideology and never project any weakness or doubt. The moment one expresses vulnerability or accountability, they come under attack themselves.
According to Jeff, “that’s not belonging, that’s just a cage with other angry men in it.” To truly process shame, one needs to reach out to someone who empathises without blaming others, and allows one to sit with the discomfort without “converting it into a personality.”
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.
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