Relationships go the distance not because of grand gestures of love, but because of the little habits that couples inculcate during their time together. With Valentine’s Day behind us, it is time to move on from symbolic gestures and make relationships grow in strength by focusing on everyday things.
Taking to Instagram on January 26, relationship coach and couples’ counsellor Comfort Omovre shared 18 wholesome habits that she has observed in successful couples to help others out in their relationships. They are listed as follows.
1. Resounding, frequent and genuine appreciation
“I’ve found this common in every successful relationship I’ve been privileged to witness, including mine,” shared Comfort. Successful couples are loud about how much they appreciate each other, express their gratitude frequently over the big and especially little things, and they always mean it when they say, “Thank you.”
2. Recurring affectionate gestures
Physical affection is also commonly seen among successful couples. This includes recurrent forehead kisses, multiple daily hugs, handholding, cuddling, beard rubbing, hair fiddling, and more. Successful couples are always reassuring one another of their affections through wholesome, non-sexual physical contact. “A lot of times, they don’t even realise they’re doing it!” expressed Comfort.
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3. Respect and admiration for one another
Successful couples often have a healthy dose of profound respect and admiration for each other, shared the relationship coach. They see one another as people who are worthy of regard and honour, and they act accordingly, only bringing praise and pride to their partners.
4. Healthy boundaries
Successful couples never hesitate to set and communicate boundaries, revealed Comfort. The boundaries can be both internal and external, and they often do well to honour them as well. Boundaries can be a tool for fostering relationship health, as they’re more about preserving one another’s individuality and nurturing safe spaces rather than creating separation.
5. Clean fights
Couples in a healthy relationship never fight dirty. They do not air dirty laundry or intentionally hurt their partner at a delicate place through their words or actions, shared Comfort. For this, it is important to master the art of healthy conflict resolution over time, which will result in every misunderstanding bringing them closer together.
6. Acknowledgement of each other’s autonomy
Successful couples are able to embrace the oneness of being in a relationship without necessarily seeing the other person as their “property,” stated Comfort. They fully recognise and acknowledge their partners as full humans in their own right, and this reflects in the way they treat each other and support one another’s endeavours.
7. Effective communication
Successful couples talk to and with each other, not at each other, observed the relationship coach. More importantly, they actively listen to what the other person is saying. They continue to nurture open communication pathways, creating safe spaces to address both mundane and difficult matters with care and gentleness, rather than passive-aggressiveness, anger or just plain old silent treatment.
8. Genuine friendship
Successful couples genuinely like each other and continue to cultivate a deeper friendship. This can be through acting silly, playing games, teasing and laughing together a lot. They don’t see anyone as the master or subordinate, simply as buddies. Comfort noted that if the pair were not in love, they would most probably still be friends.
9. Endless courtship
Successful couples never stop dating. They continue to court and dazzle one another with planned events, surprise gifts, sweet words, thoughtful gestures, getaway trips, and date nights. It is important that the flame of romance never goes out, according to Comfort. “It may dim from time to time, but they’ll always get it blazing once more.”
10. Accountability and consideration
Relationships grow stronger when couples are often accountable to each other. This means that they don’t live their lives like they only answer to themselves. They take their partners into consideration, act in ways that’d only attract respect and love, and are very careful with each other’s feelings.
11. Ever-improving sex life
Sex life should ideally be joyful and something to look forward to, not just a mundane activity. According to Comfort, successful couples often look for ways to spice things up in the bedroom-and most especially, outside. “They review occasionally and honestly, set dates, plan events around getting down, and constantly try to get better at pleasing one another.”
12. Balance between agreement and healthy compromise
“Contrary to popular belief, successful couples do not always agree,” revealed the relationship coach. “However, they’re mostly of one mind when it comes to the things that truly matter.” When they can’t meet on the same page, they try to reach a healthy compromise that works for both parties.
13. Proper apologies
Beating around the bush, struggling to apologise due to ego, and trying to sweep things under the carpet do not help a relationship. Instead, successful couples often follow the AVARCC apology framework, which involves properly communicating their remorse, promising to do better and actually following through.
14. Earnest forgiveness
Successful couples do not go around holding on to grudges that eventually devolve into resentment. Instead, they air their grievances, are honest about their processing journey, and work to truly let go of the slight and move on. Comfort shared that such couples forgive honestly and rarely bring up issues after they are resolved.
However, she highlighted that “things that warrant forgiveness in relationships are genuine mistakes, not unrepentant cheating and abuse. This is not a validation for anyone in these categories.”
15. Mutual yielding
It is common for successful couples to yield to each other. It is not always about one person having to compromise or getting to have their way, but it goes both ways. The criteria apply to efforts as well. In a strong relationship, both parties consistently do what they can to carry their weight in the relationship, and, when necessary, the other’s as well.
16. Collaboration over competition
Relationships are not contests. It is not about partners trying to one-up each other, but winning together. “This continues to be one of the most important keys to relationship building,” shared Comfort. “As long as you’re both willing to collaborate, there’s hardly anything you can’t work through and accomplish together.”
17. Adequate prioritisation
It is important to prioritise each other and make it known. While extended family, friends and colleagues can be aware of just how much the partners mean to each other and might regularly tease them about it, successful couples seldom neglect each other in pursuit of “more important” goals, as nothing is considered more important than one another’s well-being.
18. Empathy over ego
“Successful couples value being kind and considerate over being right and blameless. They wouldn’t ceaselessly go on self-defence if it meant hurting their partner in the process,” shared the relationship coach. Instead, such couples are often willing to admit that they’ve been wrong, then take actions to soothe their partner’s feelings. “When both parties are more concerned with making each other feel seen and understood, love blossoms naturally.”
“These things take time to cultivate and maintain,” added the relationship coach about her exhaustive list. “As long as you’re doing the work, you’re doing great!”
Note to readers: This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
