I was caught in “the squeeze”- that period when women are at the height of their career growth, while becoming new parents and shouldering responsibilities that come with it. I was commuting, chasing tenure, and raising a newborn, all the while feeling like I was failing at everything. But, my research was examining the very dynamics that I was living in. It wasn’t just me, stretched too thin and falling short – it was women everywhere, facing the same impossible constraints on their time. Seeing this in the data made me feel profoundly seen. I wanted women to come to the same realisation I did: It’s universal, it’s structural – and we need to start creating our own solutions.
First, ‘things will get better on their own’- while we’ve seen a lot of progress for women around the world, there are several trends that I think we need to be aware of. One is an explosion of parenting time that’s leaving working moms squeezed, and two is that we’re not really seeing men’s gender roles change at home at the same time as women’s roles have changed at work.
Second, that women need to act like men to get ahead at work – there’s no evidence that men’s styles are better from a profit perspective.
My research shows women are better negotiators than men. And finally, that you need to do it all to be a good parent. Kids crave genuine connection, not frantic chauffeuring or Instagram-worthy birthday cupcakes. So, saying no to over-scheduled activities and trading them for higher-quality, lower-stress time together can be the better deal for everyone.
I’m arguing that trying to be 110% in both domains is structurally impossible. Seamlessly combining a more than full-time career in what Claudia Goldin calls a “greedy” job, which demands 50-plus hours a week and constant availability, while also trying to be a domestic goddess at home is never going to add up. But, that doesn’t mean we can’t carve out lives for ourselves that are sustainable and meaningful, and I hope my book offers women lots of strategies for doing that.
I think the economics idea of a utility function is a helpful framework for thinking about what we truly care about – and how those priorities shape our happiness, both in the short and long term. Just as for-profit companies are assumed to make choices that maximise their bottomline, economists view human beings as agents who maximise their own personal “profit” function: Utility. Crucially, you can’t compare yourself to people whose utility functions are different from yours. You might find the most fulfillment in volunteer work or travel, even if those activities leave you with little time at home. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But here’s where the trap appears: When you visit a friend who finds deep utility in home-making or cooking from scratch, you start to feel as if you’re somehow falling short. That’s not failure – it’s simply a difference in utility functions.
My advice is – understand what truly matters to you – your own personal definition of success and happiness – and make choices that maximise your well-being, not the version society has prescribed for women. Too often, the expectations placed on women are contradictory and impossible to satisfy. Real empowerment comes from rejecting those imposed standards and focusing on what genuinely aligns with your values and goals.
The “squeeze” doesn’t just affect individual women, it has broader economic costs, including the loss of skilled labour, slower productivity growth, and reduced diversity in leadership. Policies like subsidised childcare, paid parental leave for both parents, structured work arrangements, and stronger protections against career penalties during child rearing years can help ensure women aren’t forced to choose between family and career.
